breast attack！

2015/08/06 10:11:14 網誌分類: 生活

06 Aug

         Today I’ll invent a new expression. It is called breast attack. Do not confuse (mix up) breast attack with heart attack. A heart attack happens when the flow of blood to the heart is blocked. This destroys the heart muscle. Heart attacks come very suddenly and can be fatal unless the patient gets medical help immediately. Heart attacks can cause severe pain in the chest. But breast attacks cause no pain and they are not fatal. In fact, I think most men would welcome breast attacks. I do not know if women would also welcome breast attacks because they have breasts of their own. A breast attack happens when a woman attacks a person with her breasts. A heart attack is not a criminal offence but a judge decided last week that a breast attack is a criminal offence.

        　　The judge jailed 30-year-old Ng Lai-ying for three and a half months after finding her guilty of attacking a policeman with her breasts during a protest against parallel goods traders in Yuen Long last March. The judge said the breast attack did not injure the policeman but he still gave a harsh (severe) sentence because the woman had falsely accused the policeman of indecently assaulting her during the protest. Many men must be wondering what it feels like to be attacked by a woman’s boobs. The word “boobs” is a slang word for a woman’s breasts. Although the expression I have invented is “breast attack”, it is OK to say “boob attack”.

        　　I am sure many men who are victims of boob attacks would not complain since boob attacks are not fatal and some men may even find them enjoyable. The word “fatal” means causing death. I wonder if breast attacks can be fatal if the boobs are large. It is reasonable to think that large breasts are more dangerous than small ones during breast attacks. Although many men would welcome boob attacks, elderly men should avoid such attacks. Boob attacks could make elderly men so excited that they could have heart attacks.

        *****

         今天我會發明一個新的習語，叫作 breast attack。可不要將 breast attack與heart attack 混淆啊。Heart attack是心臟病發，當輸送血液到心臟的血管梗塞，便會造成心肌受損。心臟病發（heart attacks）是突發性的，若病人沒有獲得即時的醫療協助，可以是致命性的（fatal）。心臟病發（heart attacks）也可引致胸口絞痛。至於 breast attacks，卻不會帶來痛楚，也不致命（fatal）。事實上，我相信大部份男人都會樂於接受 breast attacks。我不曉得女人會否也歡迎 breast attacks，因為她們自己也有乳房。Breast attack就是女人以胸部襲擊別人。Heart attack不是刑事罪行，但一位法官上星期就裁定了，「以胸襲人」（breast attack）是刑事罪行。

        　　法官裁定三十歲的吳麗英在今年三月元朗反水貨客示威期間，以胸襲擊警員罪名成立，判囚三個半月。法官說以胸襲人（breast attack）沒有傷害到警員，但他仍要重（harsh）判，因為那女的在示威期間誣告警員非禮她。許多男人一定很訝異，到底被女人的乳房（boobs）施襲是怎樣的感覺。 Boobs是俚語，指女性的胸部。雖然我自創的習語是breast attack，但說成是boob attacks亦未嘗不可。

        　　我相信許多成為「胸襲」（boob attacks）受害者的男人都不會抱怨，因為「胸襲」並不致命（fatal），有些男人甚至還樂在其中呢。Fatal解作致命性的。我很好奇，若雙乳（boobs）很大，胸襲（breast attacks）是否致命性的呢？若說胸襲（breast attacks）時，大胸部比小胸部更危險，也是說得通的。雖然許多男人都歡迎「胸襲」（boob attacks），但上了年紀的男人最好避開這樣的襲擊。恐怕「胸襲」（boob attacks）會令老人太興奮，引致他們心臟病發（heart attacks）就不好了。mickchug@gmail.com

        中譯:七刻

        Michael Chugani 褚簡寧

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