England do or die tonight ?

By Myles Palmer

"The players can say how they feel and, if it upsets him, then I'm on the verge of just saying : 'You know what? So what? If we can't be honest with each other, then there's no point in us being here."

John Terry,  Premier League superyob
Press conference, World Cup 2010

This royal throne of kings, this sceptred isle,
This earth of majesty, this seat of Mars,
This other Eden, demi-paradise,
This fortress built by Nature for herself
Against infection and the hand of war,
This happy breed of men, this little world,
This precious stone set in the silver sea,
Which serves it in the office of a wall
Or as a moat defensive to a house,
Against the envy of less happier lands,--
This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England.

 William Shakespeare, "King Richard II", Act 2 scene 1
English dramatist and poet (1564 - 1616)

What if England lose 1-0 to Slovenia?

Slovenia are top of Group C and today’s game is a rare opportunity for them to make world headlines.

What will happen if England lose? Will we see an unprecedented eruption of fear, loathing and contempt ? Will the England team have to emigrate?

England-Slovenia comes in midweek after three pretty strange days in South Africa, since Sunday.

I hope nothing will be weirder than France refusing to train. I posted that news on ANR and then emailed Philippe Auclair, the London Corrspondent of France Football, saying : What the hell is going on? Just after 7pm I was about to have a bet on Brazil when Philippe phoned and said, "I've had 162 phone calls on this today and been on almost every radio station in England and Ireland.”

While we were talking he had two further calls. After that I switched on BBC Radio5Live to confirm the Brazil team before placing my bet and heard the presenter say, “And now we’re going to talk to Philippe Auclair. Philippe, what’s going on with your team?”

He then told listeners two-thirds of what he had told me. Which was shocking enough to make an Englishman shout and swear, let alone a French fan living in England.

On Monday morning I had a call from my civil servant pal Pat Driscoll, a QPR fan who talks sense on football.

"Pat, why are we so bad? Why are England so bad?"
"In a nutshell, stupidity."
We talked about how thick English footballers are.

With 12.30pm and 3pm kick-offs, I’ve been going to the gym twice a week in the mornings. That’s fine because my afternoon mates are not around, and the trainers, who are all Arsenal fans, are working with their female clients, so I don’t have to talk to anybody. I can get in and out quickly. My mission on Monday was to get home for the Portugal game at 12.30.

I was on the stepper when I saw Frank Lampard on TV. It's a typical Holmes Place atrium-style gym with eight flatscreen TVs on the wall in front of a row of 14 bikes, with another 14 bikes behind those bikes, then two rows of treadmills, a row of steppers, and some rowing machines by the balcony rail overlooking the reception-foyer-cafe area.

When I saw Lampard, I was a long way away and listening to my iPod, not the club’s TV-audio system.

I thought: damage limitation after JT's ignorant, ego-driven outburst. The FA had to wheel out Frank as the acceptable face of professional football to show the world that not all England players are yobs. I didn’t need to hear what Frank was saying.

Then I ran downstairs for a quick swim but two of my acquaintances were in the jacuzzi, so I got in with them because I knew they’d be talking about England. One is a Chelsea fan, the other supports Manchester United and lives in Radlett, Herts. He said, "When the World Cup started, four houses near me were covered in England flags. Now they’ve all been taken down."

Before I got out for my swim, he asked, "Do you think Harry Redknapp will go to jail?"

I got back home 54 seconds into the Portugal -North Korea game.

Tiago for Deco made a big difference to Portugal's running power, which is very important in a style where midfield players need to make runs for each other. When Raul Meireles made a lovely run,  I said, "This'll do!" and Tiago found him in and Meireles slotted for 1-0. The second goal was the important one and a massacre followed. Killer long pass by right back Miguel, chested by Meireles to striker Hugo Almeda, back to Mereiles, who played in Simao for 2-0. My kind of football : long pass, three short passes, goal.

Portugal scored four goals in the first hour and won 7-0. The sixth goal was comical, as the ball rebounded onto the neck of Cristiano Ronaldo, behind his head. Cristiano could not see it but he knew roughly where it was and was able to persuade the ball to roll down to where he could kick it into the net for 6-0.

The Brazil game was screened in repressed, regimented North Korea 12 hours after it ended with a 2-1 win for Lucio and Co. The Portugal game was shown live but the commentator stopped talking at 4-0.

There was no revolt at that Sunday night England team meeting.

Terry did not speak out. An authoritarian manager cannot compromise, so Fabio Capello had to re-assert his authority. He made them watch a DVD of the first half against Algeria, then told them what they had done wrong, and then they all had dinner. Nobody said, “We want to play 4-5-1, we think Joe Cole should be in the team.”

Capello said later that JT "had made very big mistake".

England trained on Tuesday morning and then flew down to Port Elizabeth for today’s game. The pitch was cut up by heavy rain during Chile-Switzerland on Monday, so FIFA have said England and Slovenia could not train there last night.

Has the country been having a national nervous breakdown since the 0-0 draw against Algeria on Friday, June 18 ? Sir Alex says Wayne’s not enjoying it, that he advised his star to relax and play his normal game.

On Tuesday morning I walked to the Post Office to send a birthday gift to a friend in Macclesfield, and on that busy road I saw hundreds of cars. Only five cars had red & white England flags.

Only five cars had flags! I wondered whether people have given up. Are they now too embarrassed to have England flags on their cars?

When I came back from the Post Office, I watched Monday night’s ITV  Highlights show which had a Capello interview. He said, "The next performance will be good. I’m sure 100% about this."

On Tuesday night on ITV, Andy Townsend said England would win. On BBC, John Motson said England would win. Lee Dixon said, “No idea.”

I’m with Lee. I have no idea either. I’m very apprehensive and I have no idea whether we will win. But I’m comforted by seeing Lee Dixon, and strangely reassured that I can still hear what he has to say. I don’t say that about many pundits. When I see Lee Dixon, I think of George Graham, Mrs Dixon, Poland, and my daughter Caroline.

When George signed Lee, he was so chuffed. George had five moods that he showed to reporters: angry, grumpy, breezy, cocky and beaming. Mostly he was breezy and succinct. But he was beaming as he stood three feet from me in the old press room and said, “I’ve signed the best right back in the Second Division.” He was so pleased with himself, that’s why I remember it.

Hugh Southon and I used to phone Lee Dixon and get quotes off him. Then a young alcoholic on a Sunday tabloid, a pal of Hugh’s, rang Lee at 11.50 one night and Mrs Dixon changed the number and that spoiled it for all of us. Once at Colney I did an England  piece with Lee about a Polish winger but, on the night, neither Lee nor the winger played. When I took Caroline to her first Arsenal game we were in the Junior Gunners and just in front of us Lee Dixon went in fiercely for a 50-50 ball near the touchline.

“I didn’t think he was gonna get up,” said Caroline, who was about ten.
“Lee always gets up,” I said.

On Tuesday two of my closest friends, who have never met, assured me that England will beat Slovenia. “Don’t worry, we’ll beat them,” said Doug last night.

My mind went back to 1973 and that ghastly northerner Don Revie, who was mismanaging England at that time. I was a rock journalist then, not a football reporter, and I was talking to Time Out editor Tony Elliott about an upcoming World Cup qualifier in Poland. Tony didn’t know much about football but he realised I was stressing, although the word “stressing” didn’t exist in 1973. Tony said, “Don’t worry, Myles, we’ll beat them.“

England played Poland on June 9, 1973 and lost 2-0 and didn’t qualify and Poland finished third in that World Cup, after losing narrowly to Germany on a waterlogged pitch, without Lubanski, their best player, who missed the Finals through injury.

When friends tell me not to worry, I worry.

When I hear whispers about Defoe and Milner starting the match, I worry even more. I worry that Stevie G’s goal against USA will be the only goal we score in this World Cup. Why have I lost my bottle? Because I have never seen Wayne Rooney play as badly as he did against Algeria. If he is playing like that, England cannot function.

The World Cup is the biggest sports tournament in the world, the one that footballers dream about, a chance to write their name in history. Are our idiots going to let this moment pass them by? Are they going to miss an opportunity that only comes round once every four years and will not come around again for most of them?

This country gave the world William Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, Sir Francis Drake, Lord Nelson, George Orwell, Winston Churchill, the Spitfire,  the E-type Jaguar, Len Hutton, Freddie Trueman, Ted Dexter, Ian Botham, the Beatles, the still Rolling Stones, Twiggy, the Goons, John Cleese, David Hockney, Bobby Moore, Bobby Charlton, Bobby Robson, Paul Gascoigne and a thousand other exceptional talents, and here we are watching superyob John Terry tell us that he’s going to upset one of the ten best managers in football history.

Yes, Fabio Capello has made mistakes. All managers make mistakes.

I saw Fabio on TV this morning and he said,” I’m sure we’ll play really, really well.”

As you know, the drama starts at 3pm on BBC1. I really hope these boys don’t have to emigrate from this sceptererd isle, this dumbed-down demi-paradise

Because if these England players haven’t got the nerve, imagination and intelligence to beat Slovenia, they would not be able to cope with living abroad.

Personally, I don’t want go through a national nervous breakdown as well as a long, painful recession.

England will wear an all-red kit today.

Less than four hours till kick-off.

Then we find out if England's big players are small men.

Jun 23, 2010